Thursday, September 22, 2011

Turning 40

Well, I did it! I hit the BIG 40! As most of you know I have been referring to myself as 40 for the past 5 years. I figure once you hit 35 you are almost there anyway. I get told quite often that I don't look 40, well thank you very much you kind people, but I do have a mirror that magnifies 4xx and honey the sun has not been my friend. Thanks to growing up in the 80's where it was rooftops and baby oil with iodine, I am paying the price. I remember spending hours trying to get a tan and now I am spending lots of money trying to remove the damage. If only my kids would take my advice. Anyway, enough about the brown spots and wrinkles, lets move on to my REVELATION about being 40. (Those of you in my Bible study group, notice how I used Revelation like that) My grandmother used to say you don't have any sense until you turn 40. Well, I do believe she was correct. The journey to 40 has came with a lot of ups and downs, many struggles, and a deep need for acceptance. On my 39th birthday, I sat some goals to be completed by the time I turned 40, simple goals, finish my book, and have a better body at 40 than I did at 16. Simple, ha! Should have thought about those goals a little deeper, can't finish a book about life when you haven't been actually "living" your life, and no matter how many sit ups you do, you will never have a 16 year old stomach. As I was processing my life and where I wanted to be, and what I wanted to stand for at 40, (as if this is some major mild stone)I realized that it wasn't what "I" wanted for me, it was what "God" wanted for my life that was the most important. I took a little trip with my Pastor and co workers to visit a very special lady, who changed my purpose and outlook on my life forever. It is amazing how God can use a brief encounter with a stranger to show you how to start truly living. So after that, I began a journey of self discovery. WOW! Is all I have to say. When you ask God to reveal yourself to you,(see yourself as others see you) hang on, it will be a bumpy ride, but so worth it. I was standing in a 3 way mirror, washing my hands when I looked up and saw myself, I mean really saw myself, the reflection of the flesh of me staring back at me. I didn't like what I saw. I lost it right there in front of that mirror, crying my eyes out, and realized I was just a shell, a empty, angry, hardened shell. No substance. I don't know the exact moment I lost the person God created me to be, but I do know the exact moment I found her, and that was in that mirror. From that day forward, I have spent everyday, making my life not about me but about everyone else. I love others like I love
myself, and for those of you who know me, for me to say I LOVE MYSELF....that is a huge feat within itself. But I do, I love the person God has made me. I love that he uses me as a vessel to help others, I love that he gave me all the struggles in my life so I could learn from them and bare witness to God's grace to others, I love that I love every detail about life, I love that I wake up in the mornings telling God, good morning and how can you use me today, I love having God moments all through out the day.I love life! The way I see it, if you are awake and breathing then God has a purpose for you today....what is yours? Don't waste your time, being wrapped up in unforgiveness, or making it about you, because I promise if you do, you will be a walking robot just going through the motions of life. Wake up, breath in the word, and count your blessings. Live your LIFE! God blessed you with it, so make the most of it. Be a blessing to those around you. We can't sit around worrying about today, tomorrow, or the past, because we control nothing, it is a waste of emotional energy, God was, He is, and He will be, which means he has your past covered, your present in his hands, and your future under control. Does all this mean my life is peachy perfect, absolutely not, but it is a journey,it is up to me to decide with what mind set I want to take that journey.  It will take a lot of time and effort to try and erase the damage the sun did to my outside , just like it will take a lot of time and energy to erase the damage we do to our soul. Make it a priority and your life will begin. Just a tidbit of information, I'm sure I will be on my soapbox again soon, thanks for reading....
If this post has some random highlights...I have no idea why! Told you I'm not computer savvy!

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