If You Looked.....

If you looked into my home, you'd see a cozy place full of love, 2 teenaged kids, and 4 spoiled dogs.

You would see at least 50 lamps on, as well as every light in every room.

Am I scared…NO, I just really love lamps and my kids don’t know how to turn off a light. J

The first thing you would lay eyes on is an antique telephone booth with a working telephone. Why? Because I love it.

You would see furniture inside the house of what “I thought I was supposed to have” in a certain kind of home, but in the garage you would find all kinds of furniture “I want living inside my home”.

Most of it found thrown in the trash, or given away to goodwill, just waiting for a person like me to turn it from their trash to my treasure.

Down a long hallway you would see a huge wall full of pictures of everything from my kids, family, my aunt and uncle (the real life notebook love story) to complete strangers, old headstones, and walking trails. Basically anything that catches my eye and I see art. If you were looking closely you would see remnants of a wall that had just been plastered from a pipe that busted, and a closet with no carpet, due to water damage. (Concrete is not so comfy, or warm to get dressed on)

  

If you looked into my office, You would see a place set up for which I thought I would spend most of my time; instead it has become a catchall room. “ My office” is actually the entire upstairs which I have transformed into my sewing, crafting, journaling, quiet Bible time, life coaching, blogging J, antique dish storage, TV watching, coffee drinking retreat. I seriously live upstairs.

 You'd see 4 laptops, several glasses (remember I won’t drink out of the same glass twice), lots of blankets, too many throw pillows, my old antique phonograph with my collection of 78 records that takes me back to another time, a empty frig, waiting for me to restock for the kiddos, movie watching junk food, yes more lamps, and always close by, my cell phone, laptop charger and phone charger. But if you looked past all of that you would see me, or the me, I want to be. You would see that my mind is racing all day with incredible ideas, goals, and dreams that I am constantly trying to put together. You would see all my passions, loves, and things that make me smile. You would see piles of hobbies, which is a lot because my hobbies change hourly, and sometimes you would see a “life is awesome, I want to live every second as it is my last” me, and sometimes an “emotional, lonely, when is this world going to end” me. But that is ok, because life is a roller coaster, sometimes there are ups and sometimes downs, just be sure you know when to get off that roller coaster.

If you looked into my email, you'd see thousands of unopened emails, because I only read the one’s that are from people I know, or things that would interest me. I have NO idea why I don’t delete the others. Maybe I feel important with 3845 unread messages.  You would see exactly how many people have become close to me that I have never met in person.

You would see by what I Google, where I’m going to vacation, retreat, or shop all by the ads. You would see that I have 2 emails, one for my personal use and one for my clients. You would see people’s deepest secrets, biggest challenges, and saddest moments that would all make you weep. But for me they make me smile, because I am so glad they look to me to try and motivate them and make them see the life God has created for them. What you wouldn’t see anymore are forwards, funny jokes, pictures, or little messages from a friend, because who in the world would send an email when there is Facebook!

If you looked into my phone, you'd find messages and calls from the people I love most.

You'd see many pictures that my daughter takes of herself, inspirations of things I want to make, and of course my little Bella. You would see that face time is used a lot since my husband travels and

even though we are just in other rooms my daughter and I love to face chat before bed.

You'd gush about the flirtatious texts my husband sends,

and wonder if I think it's normal that I talk to my mom and sister at least 5 times a day.

You'd find that I text my kids at school all day and then wonder why they get in trouble for having their phone out. You would see most of my communication is through text with everyone I know. Then you would think, like I do quite often, what happened to the days when we actually took time to talk to someone for hours. Why are we spending so much time hiding behind a phone screen, or is less of hiding and more of the,

“ I am to busy to sit down and have a conversation with you”? Cell phones are great, in fact I don’t even have a landline, but I worry that eventually the entire world will be socially illiterate. I kind of miss the long swirly cord plugged into the wall, maybe I’ll just start going into my phone booth where I have no choice but to sit and talk.

You would also see many apps my kids have put on my phone that I have no idea how to use, but you would also see the one they wish I would delete…the Find My IPhone App….it is awesome. I can track all my loved ones anytime of the day…hehe.

If you looked into my head, you'd think I was crazy.

You'd be sure that no normal person could have as many ideas at one time like I do.

You'd see a lot of logical choices being tossed around,

and wonder why I don't listen to anything logical at all. You see the inner battle within, that little voice that speaks to you, that keeps your mind second guessing yourself, telling you that you aren’t good enough, smart enough, talented enough, tall enough, skinny enough, (you get the idea). All those insecurities that love to pop in your head, to keep you down. You would see confusion at first, of what on earth is she trying to accomplish,

But it all would make sense, because then

You'd look into my heart.

And you'd see that any fear I have, is outweighed by what I feel is right, and what God is calling me to do. You see a person who loves deeply, longs to solve everyone’s problems, is lead everyday by listening to the Holy Spirit, and wants to be an open book for all to see.

You'd see compassion, empathy, passion and you'd know that what I put my time into

really becomes who I am.

You'd wonder if it was healthy to be so wrapped up in other people's emotions, problems and insecurities

and I'd say I don't know, but God is leading me down this path and I will be obedient even when I can’t see the outcome.

But that I couldn't imagine living any other way.

And you'd see that I mean it every time that I say,

I am happy.

What does Christmas mean to you?

Wow! It seems like I have been missing from the Blog World for a while! I have missed you guys and I have had plenty to say, I have just been crazy busy, in a little bit of a funk, not feeling creative, and had plain old writers block. When I share with you guys, I try to be upbeat or at the very least some what inspiring, and lately I just haven't felt it. SO...I took some time off, and now I'm back. I still don't have a lot to say, I'm still in a semi funk, I'm still not feeling all that creative and my writers brain isn't ticking very well, but I have some things on my heart and I thought I'd go ahead and share.

We are all very aware that it is Christmas (I can't believe it is already December 2011. Crazy how fast time is going). Usually, this is my favorite time of year. But for some reason this year I am feeling blah. I have listened to Christmas music all day, decorated my house, baked our favorite goodies, and nothing works, I still feel more like scrooge than Mrs. Clause. Finally, after spending a solid week going back and forth to malls, shoe stores, flower shops, and getting alterations for my kids winter formal. It hit me, why I'm sad. I'm sad because Christmas has gotten so incredibly commercialized. I don't know if it has always been or if it is just that I am older and I am seeing it more clearly. The entire holiday is centered on what everyone wants, how much you can spend, where to find the perfect gift, long lists, long lines, and lots of debt.

When my kids were little, we had all the normal Christmas traditions, we took time to enjoy all the little things, and we celebrated the reason for the season...JESUS! My kids are much older and wiser, and are very aware of the real reason we celebrate Christmas, but it did not stop them from making a very long list of over the top materialistic items. After reading their lists, I was sick to my stomach. Did I make them this way? Is this what they are exposed to everyday? How in the world do they even know these brands? And why would I spend $800.00 for a pair of boots just because it has a "famous" label on it. RIDICULOUS! Kids today, feel way too much pressure to keep up, whether from peers at school or magazines and television shows they are exposed to. Society is teaching our children in order to be “somebody” you need to wear a certain label, live in a certain home in a certain neighborhood, drive a certain car, or be able to vacation in these certain areas.

What happened to simplicity? I know society has always pushed sales down our throats during Christmas, and I know that kids have always wanted to keep up with what everyone else has, but it seems that it is now defining “who” they are. I want my kids to refocus their thoughts and realize things do not make a person, and getting a large amount of expensive items does not mean you had a successful Christmas. I will admit I have always bought my kids way to many things for Christmas, it was easy to do when they only wanted toys. I heard a lady on KLOVE sharing her Christmas traditions, she said her kids have always only gotten four gifts, one thing they want, one thing they need, one thing to wear, and one thing to read. She said her children are very appreciative and they are able to spend more money on making memories, instead of buying more stuff. WE are a society consumed with too much stuff! I have decided not only to minimalize the commerciality of Christmas this year, but also to also try and buy only things that will help to benefit others in some way. That meaning I will buy gifts from other bloggers, websites where the proceeds go to charity, St. Jude’s (I love their little drawings), or small ma and paw stores. My kids are blessed, they do not need anything, they may have things they want but there are people out there who want a home to live in, food to eat, a warm coat to wear, or to have their loved one with them during this time of year. Many people are fighting for their lives this holiday season, many have given their lives to protect us and left their loved one’s to be fatherless or husbandless at Christmas. So let’s think about them, pray for them, bless them in some way, and help people we love and people we come in contact with to realize what it means to truly celebrate Christmas. Starting new traditions will help the future generations realize that it is not all about “the stuff”. Jesus and his love for us is all we need. It is the reason we celebrate the best gift we could possible get. HIS BIRTH. We all come into this world with nothing, and we will all leave with nothing. Bless someone else this Christmas, give up the stuff.

I was reading an article from a hospice nurse who said that out of all the hundreds of people she has sat with during their last moments on earth, they all made the same comments about the things they had wished they had done before they died. The number one thing….LIVED..... Lived a purpose filled life, spent more time enjoying the blessings around them, worked less, and loved deeper. A good thing for all of us to think about. Let's not wait till we are dying to LIVE....Take a few minutes to reevaluate your Christmas this year...give up a little now to gain a lifetime of memories for later.

I AM.....

I’m weird because… I can't drink out of the same glass in a day. (hence the reason we have 20 glasses dirty each day). I don't eat meat. I wear the same outfit multiple days in a row (if it's clean!) I like to dip my crackers in chocolate ice cream. I prefer butter cream icing cake over any meal. I can not sit with my back to a door. I prefer to NOT cuddle when I sleep. I treat my dog like she is a real baby. I am a creature of habit. I can’t sleep without a loud box fan. I’m scared of cats and petrified of frogs. I love the smell of old libraries. I have watched the notebook at least 200 times. I get excited during the holidays so I can watch Charlie Brown. If I need something the first place I look is a thrift store. (I am truly a thrift-a-holic) I believe I can make "everything"... I hate drying my hair, I will go 4 days between washings, LOVE dry shampoo! I am an English major and the worst speller ever. I'm addicted to reality T.V. I change "what I want to be when I grow up" at least 2 times a year. I have to brush my teeth before I drink my orange juice. I have a very strong sense of smell. My car is always a mess. I am a terrible driver (However, those wrecks REALLY were not my fault). I am my biggest critic. I can not say NO. I never, ever iron....HATE IT! I love to listen to swing/big band music all day. I can not parallel park. I will try anything once. I am not afraid to talk to anyone. I would rather be outside with nature, in a tent, than anywhere else in the world. I love to read....love love love Nicholas Sparks. I hate to go to the grocery store, I would rather have a root canal with no Novocain. I am VERY sentimental....( probably the reason I look like a hoarder ) I’m a bad friend because… I  sometimes take days to check my voice mails. I am terrible at returning phone calls and emails. I will choose time with my family over a shopping/lunch date with them. I have a really bad filter, I don't always think before I speak. I’m a good friend because… I will drop everything for a friend in need. If you are my friend you have a place in my heart for life. I love their kids like they are my own. You can show up at my house at midnight to talk about your bad day. I will always have a shoulder for you to cry on. I always say what I’m thinking, I will not sugar coat it. I’m sad because… I know soon my son will be going off to college. I too often get consumed with Momma/wife  guilt. I take everything personal. I wish there were more hours in the day so I could slow down and enjoy the little things. I wish we had more family of 4 time, instead of everyone going in different directions. I’m happy because… I am truly blessed. It is holiday time.... I am finally having some time to learn new hobbies. We are headed out of town which means hours locked in a car just the 4 of us! I’m excited for… My son and his time in this new journey. My sewing machine is coming..... Christmas Break... Christmas music 24 hours a day. Being with family. Fireplaces and roasting marshmallows. Christmas Eve game night. Watching Christmas vacation...a Christmas Eve tradition. Snow! Just thought I'd share a little bit about who I am... Love to hear who you are?!?